Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
