I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
