There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
