just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
