Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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