I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
We need to rekindle our bromance
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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