It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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