so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
