She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
