i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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