I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
