Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
