You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
