It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
