Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
