I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
