Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
