I didn't shave. On purpose
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
