I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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