You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
