Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
