You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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