There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize