i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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