bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
