dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
