So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
