this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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