he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
