if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize