my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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