you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
