If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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