so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
