I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
