Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
