he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
