can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
