I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
