**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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