I want to stick my p in your. b.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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