just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
