theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
