david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
