Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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