the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
