You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
