There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
