How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
as a side note pls kill me
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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