It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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