you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize