My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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