How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
