I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
