I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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