I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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