Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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