my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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