Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
