The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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