I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
