my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I cut my penus on the lid.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
