Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
