How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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