first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
