A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
