Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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