did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
