You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
