i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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