Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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