We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
