Don't make out with my wife yet
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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