No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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