Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
