You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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