PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
