..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
