There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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