It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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