I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
