i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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