I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
