i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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