Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
