why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
