That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
