i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
