dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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