Who wears a wallet chain?!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
