I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
