I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
