I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
