I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
