He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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